The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck
7 Life-Changing Lessons
With stress levels and depression skyrocketing over the last 30 years, Mark Manson’s ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*uck’ brilliantly pinpoints all that is wrong with our society.
In this blog post, I would like to share with you 7 ideas from the book that had a HUGE impact on me.
I mean seriously.
Manson’s unapologetic bluntness cuts through all the bullsh*t society had you believing.
Read on to find out how.
Lesson# 1
‘Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*uck about what’s truly f*ckworthy’
Our problem nowadays is we have been given unrealistic expectations since birth.
We believe we can be anything we want. But as Tyler Durden from Fight Club puts it, we are slowly learning that we are not. ‘And we are very pissed off.’
Manson contrasts this phenomenon to Charles Bukowski who famously proclaimed what would later on be written on his grave:
‘Don’t even try.’
Bukowski did not even try to fit in, knowing full well he is a loser. But he accepted himself for what he was.
And guess what? He was happy because he was not a slave to society’s impulses.
I’m not telling you to go out there with a loser mentality, but what I am telling you is this:
Get rid of your entitlement. Realize that you are not ‘a beautiful and unique snowflake’ like your parents had you believe.
Otherwise every adversity will be viewed as injustice, every challenge will be seen as failure and every disagreement will feel like betrayal.
The result? You will suffer. Immensely.
Lesson# 2
Suffering is necessary
Raise your hand if you live by this mantra: ‘If I achieve this particular thing, THEN I will be happy at last.’
It’s a vicious circle you are entering with this line of thought because you leave out a very important element of life – suffering.
Not only is suffering necessary, it is useful because it propels us to take action. We are at our best and at our most productive state when we are suffering.
You see, most people try to eliminate problems altogether in order to be happy. But what they fail to realize is that life is a ceaseless sequence of problems.
‘Solving one problem is the mere creation of another’.
Got rich quick? Well, now you have to pay taxes. Found a girlfriend? Well, now you ought to spend a big portion of your time with her. Finally quit the job you hated? Well, you better figure something out.
According to ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*uck’, happiness comes from solving this sort of problems.
Or better yet, happiness lies not only in the readiness, but ALSO in the WILLINGNESS to put up with the problems associated with whatever you have set out to do.
Don’t ask yourself ‘What makes me happy?’. Ask yourself ‘What pain am I willing to endure’?
That’s where happiness is.
Lesson# 3
Cut down on your social media time
‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’ really spoke to me, as it sort of validated what I have been preaching to my friends for a long time.
Social media has produced an ENOURMOUS mental shift, especially among young people.
Mass marketing and social networks have us set unrealistic expectations of ourselves and have made us prey of the comparison trap.
We see celebrities and influences and we can’t help ourselves but to compare our lives to theirs.
What happens is we end up thinking ‘I’m no good’. It makes us insecure and we wind up feeling like losers.
I urge you to find awareness within yourself and see through their flashy Instagram posts.
The truth is, these influencers are people just like you. They have problems just like you. They are just putting their best foot forward on social media.
You won’t see them sharing their humanly down-to-earth problems on social networks. But trust me, they have these in ABUNDANCE.
Want to know how social media makes you depressed?
Click here to head over to my blog post.
Lesson# 4
your values determine the nature of your problems
‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’ tells the stories of Dave Moustaine, lieutenant Hiroo Onoda and Pete Best.
What ties them all together? They suffered a great deal because of the adoption of a particular set of values.
In one of my blog posts, I talk about this as well.
Click here to read our blog post on values.
Learn how the neuroscience of values guides our life.
Your values can make you great, but they can also be the end of you.
For example, if you value money, being broke will mean the end of the world to you.
Another person would be broke, but might value the fruits of their labor. Their peace of mind would be INTACT.
As Mark Manson puts it:
‘Self-improvement means prioritizing your values, choosing better things to give a fu*k about’.
And he actually provides a valuable blueprint for telling good and bad values apart.
Bad and toxic values would usually be focused on the external, like money and possessions.
Whereas good values are focused on cultivating a strong character.
For example, good values would be courage, honesty, etc.
We ought to dig deep down inside and figure out what values are causing distress in our life.
Lesson# 5
Taking responsibility is not the same as taking the blame
Most of us get this wrong.
When someone tells us to ‘take responsibility’, we associate that with the feeling of guilt or being at fault.
And we end up feeling resentful.
Taking responsibility means EMPOWERMENT. Being responsible for our problems is the strongest position you we take because we are accountable to ourselves only.
You might only celebrate with yourself, but you answer only to yourself.
Think about this next time you feel apprehensive about taking responsibility.
Lesson# 6
focusing on money and possessions is the fastest way to midlife crisis
If you predicate your entire life on making X amount of money, what are you going to do after you achieve it?
If you live and breathe the idea of obtaining a house, a car, a white-picket fence, what will your life be worth afterwards?
Plenty, you might say.
Well, it’s not your fault for having this toxic mindset.
And ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’ does a great job at explaining why.
You see, most of our parents and teachers penalize us at a very young age for making a mistake.
I think all of us can relate to this. You get an F on your math test. What happens next?
The school system immediately reminds you that you are at fault. The insinuation that you are a failure slowly creeps up.
At the same time, you might get nagged at by your parents and perhaps you even get grounded.
You quickly learn that making this kind of ‘mistakes’ should be avoided at all cost. We learn that it’s better to be safe than sorry.
So as a result, most of us venture out in life seeking money and possessions. We search for the be-all and end-all of life: security.
At a certain point we achieve it, but not without a cost.
We realize safety and security is a figment of our imagination. Ask all the people who lost their job during the economic crisis of 2008.
But above all, we realize we have foregone our dreams and aspirations to chase an imaginary end.
And the saddest part of it all – we can’t reverse time.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to midlife crisis.
Make Sure You Read It!
In this post I talk more in-depth about why you need to forget about money and possessions.
Especially in your 20s.
Don’t miss out!
Lesson#7
It’s not about achieving more – it’s about letting go
Most people believe that the more you achieve, the happier you are.
Wrong.
This idea is erroneous because it is not based on equilibrium.
You need to achieve, but you also need to LET GO. Just as you need to inhale and exhale.
What goes up, is always bound to come back down. It’s the natural order of the world.
Sometimes the letting go of things and ideas creates space for something better.
As Tyler Durden puts it, sometimes you need ‘self-destruction’, as opposed to self-improvement. Mark Manson calls it a ‘rejection of alternatives’.
But what happens nowadays is we have endless possibilities and avenues to explore (or so we are being told).
This is our false conception of ‘freedom’.
As a result, our mind wanders around in thousands of different directions.
Wandering what could be. Derailing us from commitments at present.
True freedom will come when you commit 100% to one thing only. Because you will no longer be a slave to alternatives.
And that thing you commit to might vary throughout your life. But don’t let it become overshadowed by imaginary scenarios.
And now it’s your turn.
What did you learn from ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’? Do you agree with Manson’s ideas?
Perhaps you have reconsidered what is truly f*ckworthy? Or maybe you have decided to reevaluate (no pun intended) your values?
Or is it that you prefer to hold on to material possessions?
Let me know down below.
