The secret to happiness?

Marcus Aurelius lays it out plain and simple.

Focus on the controllable instead of the uncontrollable. Now what does that mean?

If we imagine a behavioral continuum, it would look like this:

Event –> Emotional response / Judgment –> Action

Of all three elements, only the last two are really up to us.

Marcus Aurelius suggests that it is our INTERPRETATION of external events that causes suffering. Or lack thereof, for that matter.

This is the single most crucial piece of advice you´ll ever need.

So next time you decide to go on a rant about the weather, the traffic, other people’s ignorance, etc. just take a moment and ask yourself – am I really in control here?

This brings me to the next Marcus Aurelius quote:

While it is in our primal nature to adopt behaviors that allow us to fit in, some people blow this out of proportion.

The problem is, again, other people’s opinions are beyond our control.

Therefore, seeking validation from others is DANGEROUS. Putting yourself at the will of external opinions will get you nowhere.

Yet, it truly amazes me how far people are willing to just to have some sense of belonging.

As far as becoming slaves to other people’s ideas. Jerked around like a puppet.

Just as Mark Manson put it:

‘You can’t be an important and life-changing presence for some people without being a joke and an embarrassment to others. You just can’t.’ – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Again, trust yourself and focus on what is in your control.

As great, rich and famous as one may be, remember that we are all buried under the same pile of dirt.

One day, we’ll all end up in the same place. Turns out we are not that special after all.

So treat people kindly, be humble and help others.

Don’t think yourself superior just because you might seem more successful.

If you really think about it, when has anger resolved any issue?

Hardly ever.

In fact, most of the time anger makes things WORSE. It’s a self-inflicted punishment.

Just think about.

If you allow every event to trigger rage, you will end up like a puppet swung around by impulses.

Worse yet – ungrounded and irrational impulses.

Bruce Lee put it remarkably:

‘You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic.’

In another quote, Marcus Aurelius says:

‘[…] It isn’t manly to be enraged. […] A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent and such person has strength, courage and endurance…’

We can apply this principle with our next quote from Marcus Aurelius:

Always keep an open mind.

Nobody does wrong on purpose. It’s the notion of good and evil that they hold.

Put in another way, people will act in ways they deem RIGHT for them. Not to angry YOU, but because it’s who they are.

When you realize that, you will let go of rage and make room for empathy. And that is a more resourceful place to be.

You need to remind yourself this every single day.

Marcus Aurelius tells us how:

Remind yourself every day that you will meet ignorant, foul people.

People that carry their own notions of good and evil.

They won’t necessarily be nice or polite you to you.

But by no means should that affect you. As Marcus goes on:

‘Because I have understood the beauty of good and the ugliness of evil, I know that these wrong-doers are still akin to me… and that none can do me harm, or implicate me in ugliness…’

If you embrace the fact that you will encounter such people, you will be prepared to act with empathy. Perhaps even pity.

And the more you do that, you will learn to take such people lightly and even treat them with kindness.

Speaking of kindness:

Here Marcus Aurelius encourages us to carefully pick our thoughts.

The ancient Stoics knew how to use the power of their thoughts. They knew that if you view everything with negativity, it will bounce back at you with… negativity.

Just like a Elliott Hulse’s idea of mirrors – you show it an ugly image, and it will reflect the same thing.

On the other hand, we have a choice to adapt positive and resourceful thoughts.

In fact, it has been scientifically proven that you can rewire your brain through positive affirmations.

They literally rewire your neural pathways, which I explain more in depth here.

Today, remind yourself that you are worthy and beautiful. And the world will reward you with the same.

This alludes to the next piece of wisdom by Marcus Aurelius:

There are two types of people.

The first one stands in awe and jealousy at other people’s success or they simply beat themselves up saying ‘I can never do that’.

The second type is the ‘anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better-type’.

They don’t say ‘Why am I not like that’. Instead they go like ‘HOW can I be like that.’

HOW is a much more powerful question than WHY because it opens the mind to SOLUTIONS.

This Marcus Aurelius quote reminds us that we ought to have the type-two mentality in order to accomplish our dreams.

It’s not the thing, it’s US that is the source of our distress.

Nothing external can EVER harm you if you don’t let it.

Again, it’s our emotional response to the outside stimulus that is the cause of anguish. You can always choose to adopt a more resourceful line of thinking.

For example, if you are stuck in a traffic jam, see it as an opportunity to be alone with your thoughts and reflect.

If your boss is mean to you, recognize the opportunity to toughen up and stand up for yourself.

If your girlfriend has left you, become aware of your shortcomings and build a stronger character.

Think of life as a coach who throws these challenges at you because you need to get stronger.

Be excited about those opportunities, because life presents them at you FOR A REASON.

Isn’t that a fascinating way of viewing what would seem negative events? They are all external, uncontrollable occurrences, but we can use them to our advantage if we change our thinking!

This one is DEEP. But at the same time so simple.

Marcus Aurelius basically dismantles every ‘fancy’ thing before us. Actually, he breaks it down into its not-so-fancy elements.

Two things to learn here.

Number one, apply this technique for the things you worship and put on a pedestal. Or worse yet, enslave you.

Break them down into what they really are, and you will realize it’s not that big of a deal.

Number two, apply this Marcus Aurelius quote when you face problems.

Try not to let them control your psyche. Instead, disassemble them into small bits and you will see the problem is not that much of a problem after all.

Some people believe that taking revenge for whatever reason will free them from their grief.

They think it will bring a cathartic-like experience. But it doesn’t.

Don’t fall into that trap.

Honestly, have you ever felt good after screwing up someone on purpose? Or revenge cheating, for example?

I don’t believe you have. Chances are, you felt pretty bad afterwards. The experience wasn’t as rewarding as you thought.

If someone is rude to you, do you need to be rude back? Hell no. It will only prove they were right to be rude to you in the first place.

Marcus goes on to say that:

‘The person who does wrong, does wrong to themselves. The unjust person is unjust to themselves – making themselves evil.’

You might think Marcus Aurelius refers to all the fake friends that came and went in our lives.

Wrong.

If there is anything that you should have learned by now is that Stoicism teaches us to look inwards and correct our own faulty demeanor.

Because the truth is, we have been fake at some point in our life. Be it because it was in our best interest to do so or because the occasion called for it.

Avoid these ungenuine interactions as much as possible. They don’t really bring value, plus they are pretty much a waste of time.